It has been 3 months since my grandaughter got her wings and the pain is still as raw as the day she left us. It is hard to know who to talk to as this subject is obviously one that people shy away from because they don't know what to say or do to make it better. My daughter is try to "tough" it out, thinking that if she doesn't think about that it will get better or not be painful. I am in conversation with her on a regular basis about counseling but she isn't ready yet.
Her way of dealing with this is different from me - it is not wrong, just different. I need to talk about it and she doesn't want to. Quite frankly I try to hide my pain from her and be strong for her. She knows I hurt too and I can see sometimes she is trying to be strong for me too.
I have tried searching for other blogs and it may be that because Iam super savy at searching the web, but I sure haven't found much on grieving grandparents. I did read a few things and one really did strike a chord with me. It said that grandparents greive double, not as more but double because you are grieving for the loss of your grandchild and you are grieving for you child and the pain they are going through and you can't help them or make it go away. As any mom knows, it is hard to watch your child, no matter what age, suffer and feel helpless to comfort them or make it better.
I have lost many people in my life, parents, brother, friends in high school, co-workers and yet it truly does compare to this loss - it is so much deeper, like there is literally a hole inside me that can't heal or close. I know it has only been 3 months and maybe I have been too hard on myself but I also know that this type of loss is different and is not going to heal the same way.
I have never blogged, (as I am sure you can tell by my rather simple page layout) but I thought this might me a way to express what I am feeling without making others feel uncomfortable. I also hope to help others who may have or are currently experiencing what I am. I believe I will start from the beginning of Gracie's life on my next post. It is important to me that her life matter and she is not forgotten.
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