Well Gracie was with us this weekend and I believe God sent us (Katie & I ) messages. I watched the video from last Easter - watched Gracie about 10 times - a simple 3-4 minute segment and then another quick 20 seconds and I could hear her coo. I think it will be great for Wayne some day to see a little "blip" at least of his sister smiling and happy. Amazing that only 7 weeks later - she was gone.
This Easter there were several surmmons on losing a child as Mary watched her son crucified and waited at the bottom of the cross until he took his last breath. How she had to watch as he was scourged and nailed to a cross - I felt that way as we kept learning there was no hope for Gracie. I however could never have given her up for the sake of others... I am just too selfish.
Easter brought beautiful weather and we were able to play outdoors with all the grandkids. At one point when it was a little crazy with all of them - someone said - aren't you glad you don't have 5 more ..... all I could think of was NO - I should have 1 more here right now - toddling around and wondering what those eggs are for. I tried so hard to imagine it and couldn't create her image - but I did feel the warm spot in the center of my chest... she was there - but not the way I wanted her to be. She has been gone 10 months tomorrow - 10 very long months and yet the pain feels like it was yesterday at times.
The month of May will bring about all the memories of the time we spent at Mott and the countdown to the end. Sometimes it is still so incredibly unbelieveable that this smiling, happy baby entered there and 3 days later was on a vent after an MRI and never could recover and the surgery afterwards, although successful in an of itself, couldn't save her. Nothing they did worked.
Love you Gracie - always in our hearts and minds.
