The Second Angelversary

I cannot believe it has been 6 months since I have written.  I write blogs in my head all the time, but somehow sitting down and typing them has been difficult for me - I resist it and I am not clear why. 

Gracie remains apart of my life and although I am in a different place this year - it continues to be a loss that is dealt with sometimes daily or weekly basis.   About two months ago she was continually on my mind and I didn't understand why it was so intense.  Actually it was a little unnerving - as I experienced a similar situation before Gracie got sick.  My mom was continually on mind and I thought it was the upcoming 10th. anniversary of her passing - but then I had a friend say, she may be trying to tell you something.....  well 2 weeks later Gracie was in the hospital and a short time later, I had a sense of my mom holding her and a few weeks later I am sure my mom was the first to greet her in heaven.   Well I am glad to say that nothing that painful has come to pass again - but her strong presence was definitely felt.

There is a song out  - If heaven wasn't so far away, I'd pack up the kids and go for the day..... it talks about visiting with those they lost and being able leave them and go back another day - Another line says - "it would do me good just to see them smile"   I sure wish I could see her smile again !!   

I think of you.....

I think of you when I go past the little girls clothes in the store
I think of you when I see baby girls......
I think of you when the peonies bloom,as I remember them blooming while at the hospital in their gardens
I still look for your face in the face of other children - hoping to just catch a glimpse of something that would remind me of you.    I never find it.... you were one of  a kind Gracie!!

I think of you at the birthdays of your brother and cousins - wishing you could be there and knowing we never celebrated a birthday with you.

I think of you as I put away the "baby" toys that your cousins have outgrown
I think of you on every holiday and silently bring you with me in my heart
I think of you every time I hear of a child who has been hurt,sick or died
I think of you every time I see a child that is the same age you "should" be
I think of you every time your brother talks about you - he told me he is going to name his kids Gracie

Even after 2 years - I think of you and I love you still as much today as ever. 

Today is about honoring the life of my Granddaughter who came in to our lives for too short of a time.  I know I am different person because of her gift.  Our lives have continued on, but the loss is always there.  Maybe it is because we never let it all go - I don't know.  I think it is because love continues on and so that is the bond that cannot be broken and it is always there whenever we need it - albeit not in the same form we would prefer. 

Today Katie, Wayne and I will honor her life together and I pray that she will feel our love for her and that we will be peaceful enough to feel her with us.

Gracie - I will love you Always and Forever.