Recently there were a few more anti-depressant drugs listed as causing pulmonary hypertension in babies - there is a class action law suit. One of these drugs was prescribed by the OB to Katie, who took it for 1 month and then stopped it. Now they say she didn't take it soon enough - she took it in her 3rd. month.
I don't know that I believe that, as there is no history or reason for this to have been caused. I know many birth defects happen w/out history or specific cause -but this is just too coincidental - I believe it. Katie asked Gracie's U of M DR and received the statement that he couldn't say whether it was or was not. What I do know is - if he thought it was not or could not be caused by this drug - he would have said it. So he may not know for sure or at all - but he definitely couldn't say it was not.
I know my daughter is struggling with this - feels like no one cares about her daughter's life and once again, I can't make her pain go away. I also know that even if this drug caused it - it is a hollow victory because it wont change where we are at today - Gracie is gone - almost a year now and we miss her everyday and nothing or no one else can change that cold, hard fact.
It would give us peace of mind of course if we knew it were true and knew it wasn't hereditary. The only silver lining in this whole ordeal.
So I guess the lesson is to always question your doctors decisions and really challenge them if what they prescribe or give you, is the right decision for you.
I am struggling as I approach the 1 year mark - I have seen where some mom's call it the "angelversary". Which is better then anniversary which is associated with good things. It seems like a lifetime ago and at the same time it feels like yesterday. Driving to work I realized that for as much as I have been reliving it all this past year - I had not thought much about the last week of her life - it was very stressful as she was having so many episodes. I remember walking in and they had all the needles lined up on the bed right beside her and a pacemaker taped to the middle of her chest for quick access. She would just DSAT so quickly and was having a hard time coming out of them, they had to give "epee-spritzers" as they called them, she was having a hard time w/her temperature, lung collapsing and infection was beginning. They tried turning her and they put in tubes in her side, but she couldn't handle being turned and the tubes were only another source of infection to hide out it.
Things were so stressful for Katie and Michael. We had one doctor (who we didn't care for) who was pushing for Katie to sign a DNR form - the doctor talked to me and wanted ME to understand how ill Gracie was and to convince my daughter how ill she was. He implied that she was probably brain dead or damaged - but that wasn't the case as the brain scan proved. He wanted us to stop treatment - but we weren't ready - He really had no idea how difficult it is for a parent to make that decision. It may have made perfect medical logic - but there is no logic when a parent is faced with this type of decision. Nothing about losing a child is logical. Other doctors were more supportive, they told us the odds were extremely slim that she could recover, but they also said that we should not lose hope. And so a few more days came and went - it was good day when she only had 2 or 3 episodes.... but it was really a never a good day for Gracie. Although you could feel the time was soon - you still hoped something, anything would happen to STOP what was happening. I fully understood how you become so willing to do anything to save her - you will accept anything if it will give her 1 more day or hour - everything you have inside is willing this child to live and yet deep down you know you are fighting a losing battle... but you know for this moment it isn't lost yet. It is amazing what our hearts and minds do during these times - you think and say things that you can't even believe it is coming from you. You pray for a miracle and feel guilty because all the children there needed one too.
Hard to believe almost a year and life continued for everyone - even though a part of us died with her. Sometimes I wish I would dream about her, so I could see her again and hold her again - even if it is only a dream - I would love see her again without the tubes and hold her close to me.
Fly high with all the Angels Gracie - You are not forgotten, You are loved everyday!!
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