These past few months I found myself thinking of things to write in this blog and yet resisting the actual writing of them. I am not sure why exactly - maybe because no one else reads this anyway. I have been struggling to find something that would honor Gracie and allow me to feel it was an expression of love. I still haven't found yet. I love making the blankets - but have been working so much I have hardly sewed anything in a very very long time. I have tons of material and no time to get it done.
Today I accidentally called Izabel, Gracie twice - I have never done that and I am glad that she didn't really catch on when I did it.
Christmas will probably always bring out the loss more - some of the Christmas songs really make me tear up. Seeing the little outfits in stores and remembering buying her outfit always brings a little twinge to my heart.
At my Christmas party one of my co-workers came with her 5 1/2 month old little girl Ella Grace - She was very content to be with me and even liked my husband - it was a joy to be able to hold a little one. She is the age that Gracie was when she died. Then my boss's grandson was in the other day and he was born 2 weeks before Gracie and I looked at him and thought WOW - she could have been that big and walking, talking etc. Of course when I think of what she might be like - I think of her being totally healthy with no issues. I have to remind myself that her life would not have been the same as a healthy child.
So Gracie - I wish you a very happy birthday - I wish you were here to blow out your candle and open up your gifts. I wish you could feel how much we love and miss you. I know you are in a better place, but some days my human selfish side wants you here with us.
Celebrate your birthday with Jesus and fly high with the angels and know that I will always love you always and forever my precious baby granddaughter.
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