Mother's Day

Yes Gracie you were on minds today -both mine and your Mother's.  Last year was her first Mother's Day with you and this is the first without you.  Last year on Mother's day you were in the hospital - I bought you some toys since you were a little bored  - we suspect you were teething also.  You ate like a little piggy - we laughed at the amount of formula you drank.   Then you relaxed and went to sleep - Then I took Katie and Michael out to dinner, thought it would be good to get them away for a little bit...finally found a restaurant after wandering through the town we didn't know. 

When we got back you were resting but woke up some - you were having the MRI the next day.   You wanted more to eat but they wouldn't let us feed you because of the test, so you were a little fussy and making the one nurse a little nervous since you were upset and getting a little clammy feeling.  But we finally got you calmed down, I rocked you to sleep.   The next morning was your test and we held you for the last time, while you were wake.  When you returned from the MRI you were on a ventilator and your heart/lung was in great distress - that test took so much out of you. 

I have always regretted not spending every minute with you that day - we just didn't think it was our last chance at seeing you awake, happy & smiling - We labeled you the princess of the ICU since the nurses had been taking you for walks in a stroller and putting ribbons in your hair and stopping by to talk with you.  All of the other babies there were very small and not in a condition to be able to do that.   I am so sorry we left you for awhile that day and have wished so many times for those few hours and minutes back - even if only to watch you sleep, waiting for you to wake.  I would never have given up that precious time with you if I had known.  I have always felt guilty about that. 

We watched all the other Moms that day come and spend time with their babies and my heart was saddened for all of them.  It was extremely humbling to know that everyone there needed a miracle and you prayed for all of them even though you did not know there names.  One of the mom's said goodbye to her baby that day and another child was brought in w/brain cancer, but miraculously survived 19+ hr. surgery and recovered.

It was a heartbreaking place and a miraculous place and those that work there have my utmost respect and admiration. 
                                                                                   Mom (Katie) & Gracie on Mother's Day 2009
Your Mom, brother, Papa and I went out for dinner today.... we brought you with us in our hearts and minds.

We love you Gracie...always and forever!!