The second Christmas

This was our second Christmas without Gracie - it is a "double" dose of grief as her birthday and Christmas are so close together.  It was a good day with all the grandkids - but we are always aware of who is missing.  I had some time to talk w/my daughter today about what she was feeling - I am glad we talked - it helps.  This grief is something that will always be with us  - it won't end.  It has evolved to where I now think it will always be... we will always miss her and wish she were here.  We will always wonder what she would be like now and we will imagine it for awhile and then we will tuck her back inside our hearts  - our forever angel. 

Thinking of You with Love


We thought of you with love today,

but that is nothing new.

We thought about you yesterday,

and days before that too.

We think of you in silence,

we often speak your name.

All we have are memories,

and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,

with which we will never part.

God has you in His keeping,

we have you in our hearts.

A million times we`ve wanted you.

A million times we cried.

If love could only have saved you,

you never would have died.

It broke our hearts to lose you.

But you didn`t go alone.

For a part of us went with you...

the day God called you Home.

~Author Unknown

Merry Christmas in heaven Gracie - we love you - forever and always!!!

Her Second Birthday

Two years ago this night, my daughter and I were at the hospital awaiting the birth of Gracie.  I was excited and yet nervous since this was the first time I was going to be at the birth of one of my grandchildren - it was an amazing experience which I will never forget and always be forever grateful that my daughter asked me to be there. 

These past few months I found myself thinking of things to write in this blog and yet resisting the actual writing of them.  I am not sure why exactly - maybe because no one else reads this anyway.  I have been struggling to find something that would honor Gracie and allow me to feel it was an expression of love.  I still haven't found yet.  I love making the blankets - but have been working so much I have hardly sewed anything in a very very long time.  I have tons of material and no time to get it done. 

Today I accidentally called Izabel, Gracie twice - I have never done that and I am glad that she didn't really catch on when I did it.   

Christmas will probably always bring out the loss more - some of the Christmas songs really make me tear up.  Seeing the little outfits in stores and remembering buying her outfit always brings a little twinge to my heart. 

At my Christmas party one of my co-workers came with her 5 1/2 month old little girl Ella Grace - She was very content to be with me and even liked my husband - it was a joy to be able to hold a little one.  She is the age that Gracie was when she died.    Then my boss's grandson was in the other day and he was born 2 weeks before Gracie and I looked at him and thought WOW - she could have been that big and walking, talking etc.  Of course when I think of what she might be like - I think of her being totally  healthy with no issues.  I have to remind myself that her life would not have been the same as a healthy child. 

So Gracie - I wish you a very happy birthday - I wish you were here to blow out your candle and open up your gifts.   I wish you could feel how much we love and miss you.  I know you are in a better place, but some days my human selfish side wants you here with us. 

Celebrate your birthday with Jesus and fly high with the angels and know that I will always love you always and forever my precious baby granddaughter.